Have you ever found yourself in a relationship with mismatched libidos?
A 2006 study said that women can reach their sexual peak in their thirties, whereas men reach theirs in their twenties. While age might be one factor affecting unbalanced sex drives, sometimes one person is just hornier than the other.
That's why one Redditor turned to the Internet with their relationship problems:
"In the beginning it was all fireworks, as it is with most every relationship. But that settled into once a week as the relationship grew and changed, again, as with most every relationship," they wrote. "The honeymoon phase [didn’t] last long, but where the passion sort of fizzled, we are incredibly close: he is still affectionate with his words and actions and hugs—but we only have sex maybe twice a week, sometimes only once every two weeks."
They added, "He has settled naturally the way I think all relationships do. The problem is if I go too long without sex, I feel lonely, unloved, and almost depressed."
If this situation sounds familiar to you, here are three things you can try to fix the problem of mismatched libidos:
1. Talk to your partner
Several Redditors suggested a frank discussion about sex drives.
"You need to sit him down again and be upfront," one wrote. "You have a higher libido than him, you need sex more often than you are currently having, and then talk about solutions to the problem. Could he help get you off without sex? What could he do to help calm your fears about feeling unloved? What things can you do to help relax him and put him in the mood more often?"
Your partner might not know there's a problem if they're happy with how much sex you're having. They're not psychic, so sit them down and talk about it. It doesn't hurt to share your frustrations if you express a desire to find a solution.
2. Try to find a compromise
Beyond communication, another key to relationships is compromise.
One Redditor wrote, "Some people want it 3 times per day and some people want it 3 times per year. The idea is that you find a person who is close enough to compromise and find a balance."
Another responded, "I've had to learn to initiate more (don't get caught in the 'the other person will if they want to' loop—if you want something, let the other person know) and not feel bad about taking care of myself when necessary."
3. Consider an open relationship
If your partner won't compromise but a lack of sex leaves you feeling sad, you might want to discuss other options. See if they're open to the idea of you getting your sexual fill elsewhere, but be considerate of their feelings.
Remember that a relationship's terms are entirely up to the two people in it, and not to dismiss an open relationship just because it seems taboo. There are plenty of resources when it comes to alternative relationship models, so read up and see if any sound right for you and your boo.
Ultimately, staying in a relationship that makes you unhappy is unhealthy and dooms your partnership. If a lack of sex makes you feel like sh*t, talk to bae, try to compromise, and figure out what works best for both of you.
